The Collected Writings of Sardonicus

HOW TO ANNOY PEOPLE

Annoy People - General

1. Pay tolls with $100 bills
2. Chew other people's pencils
3. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
4. Wear large hats during the movies
5. Touch strangers
6. Bite your dentist's finger
7. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
8. Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa
9. Shake with your left hand
10. Use the quote bunnies after every other word you say when talking to someone.
11. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
12. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
13. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
14. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
15. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Annoy Cops

16. Slap his hand and say "Bad cop! No donut!"
17. When he frisks you, say "You missed a spot", and grin.
18. Refer to him by his first name.
19. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it.

Annoy Your roomate

20. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
21. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."
22. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
23. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
24. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
25. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
26. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
27. Give him/her an allowance.

Annoy your examiner during a Driver's Test

28. Turn the radio on. When the testor goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
29. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
30. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.

BOOYA TOM DELAY. BOO....YA! Maybe now the Republicans in the House will know not to let criminals and thugs run their party. That guy always rubbed me the wrong way... Maybe it's because he's from Texas. Our justice system might not be perfect... or even okay, but it does have it's moments.

Don Adams, from "Get Smart" fame, died a few days ago :(. I don't know how he was in his private life, but he gave me and my sister countless nights of laughs and so I thank him for that at least. The Get Smart revival series in the 90s that starred Andy Dick was HORRIBLE, but it didn't tarnish the respect I had for the original.

As you can see from the picture on the left, I've been working in my carrel a few times. It's like a prison cell. Anyway, I cut my hair yesterday to get myself all nice and clean-shaven for my graduation picture I took today. Why is my right eye always twice as large as my left. So... asymmetrical. Anyway, decided to not do karate and instead just go to the gym again. I'm not much in the mood to just be throwing punches into the air for two hours, 3 days a week if I could be doing something much more effective and personalized.

Currently watching: a Korean tv show called "Let's Go to the Beach."

Went to the Asian Food Market this morning to pick up some groceries and get some lunch. Wow, that place stunk, and the lunch combo I got was horrible. I must've been spoiled by having the wonderful and charismatic H-Mart to go to over the summer. Plus, I really need to go to Whole Foods to get some of the food I'm more used to. Everything else is just one big, heaping pile of disappointment.

Funny thing, I got a warning for parking on the school lot without a permit. I guess I'll have to go and buy that this upcoming week. Jeez, I've been leaving everything til the last minute. I still have to register as a work-study, and apply to have one of my courses counted as a cognate. My laziness is going to be the end of me... I also need a haircut badly.

Good things going on? 1) I'm done with my assignments for my morning class, 2) done with my laundry for the day, and 3) decided to go home next weekend. Things are looking up... sorta. Ah, start recreational Karate tomorrow. I guess I'll see how that goes. It meets three times a week, which is pretty harsh for what's supposed to be a casual class.

I tried working in my Firestone carrel for the first time today. It's actually pretty peaceful, but I need to put up pictures or whatever on the walls to cover up the graffiti. It's been pretty tough to do any work so far this year, but hopefully I'll get the hang of it. And I haven't even started to think about jobs for after graduation. I really need to start taking this all more seriously.

The Yankees and the Red Sox are tied for the AL East. This is really gonna go down to the wire, and it's going to SUCK for whoever finishes in second, because it doesn't look like that team is going to get the wild card.

What in the world is going on with nytimes.com? I was trying to read a few of their Op-eds online right now, but now there's a TimesSelect membership to make you pay for some of the newer articles?!! I can ALMOST understand why they charge for looking up articles in their archives, but putting the new articles up for sale completely ruins the website for me. I'm gonna send an angry letter... watch out, New York Times... filthy mudbloods.

The Six Party Talks on the North Korean nuclear program seemed to come to a positive conclusion the other day, but DPRK official statements afterwards suggest that it might not be the end of this. The clear winner of the talks is North Korea, getting basically what it asked for in the beginning, which was a security guarantee. They're backpedaling on the joint statement now because of some disagreement on the timetable. They want viable alternative energy sources in the form of lightwater reactors before the nuclear program is dismantled. Seems to make sense on a practical level, I guess. I hope a more comprehensive agreement is reached, because it's clear that the instability of the peninsula has had unfavorable consequences on South Korea. Moody's Investor Services is currently considering raising the ROK's rating outlook from stable to positive, and will decide depending upon whether or not the DPRK honors its pledge to end it's nuclear program.

US Military deaths reached 1,900 on Tuesday, which just ensures that, at least for the near future, complaining TOO strongly against the validity of going to war in Iraq is off limits to mainstream politicians.

huh.... what's going on in Germany right now? I forget to read up on the elections. Have they settled that yet?

Yankees won today. The Sox won. Cleveland lost. Right now the Yanks are a half game down against both them. I think the Yanks play the Sox for the last three games of the season... wow, that's just going to be wild.

Another huge storm in Florida and the Gulf Coast. Is it a direct result of global warming? Probably not. But global warming does exist. But that's not either here or there. I remember the days after Katrina, I was listening to the radio- 770 AM (WCBS?) I believe- and there was some scientist talking about a machine or project called HARP. Now, this tool doesn't give states the capability (at least not yet) to create hurricanes or storms out of nothing, but they do allow states to direct the path of natural disasters such as those. He was convinced the path of Katrina was manipulated. The suspects, according to him? Russia and China. Russia was an obvious suspect because their capabilities with HARP technology are decades ahead of the US's. His guess was China, thinking that the Chinese wanted the US to fall further behind on their debt - a large chunk of this is held by China. His theory was the China wanted to make the US's debt to them so large, that the US would eventually agree to allow China to absorb Taiwan without interference for a even swap. Now, I obviously think he's wrong about China being the mastermind behind the devestation of Katrina, but his prophecy on Chinese manipulation of US debt is probably not too unbelievable. I guess we'll see.

Argh, spent pretty much the entire day running errands. And I still have much more to do. It's not even my work, it's for a professor I'm working for this year. But I did become more familiar with the library, which perhaps made it worth it. Fortunately, I ended up playing some badminton, which was a good stress reliever. I'm gonna have to endure 6 hours of class tomorrow, so I definitely need a way to unwind.

Former President Bill Clinton openly criticized President GW Bush today, which I found to be strange. I don't disagree with the President Clinton, but I'm not sure if I approve of a former President trying to influence or embarrass the serving President. Maybe he believes it's part of his duty to speak out, but there doesn't seem to be much precedent for activist ex-Presidents.

A television show I failed to mention before was Boston Legal, perhaps my favorite current television show. What night is it on again? It just came to mind because William Shatner apparently won an Emmy. Huh... pigs fly.

***Looks like it's over. Move on. Just don't think about it anymore.

^Apparently President Bush was caught by cameras passing secrets notes at the UN General Assembly a couple days ago. This one was to Secretary of State Rice, asking if he could take a bathroom break. He writes: "I think I may need a bathroom break? Is this possible. W.." At least that's what I think it says. Strange, though, that he chose to put a question mark after something that wasn't even a question. In other UN news, Germany, India, Japan, and Brazil have been vying for permament member status in the UN Security Council for quite a while now, and i'm not sure how much headway they're making. I think it's likely that they will eventually achieve this, but it seems pretty clear- at least for the moment- that veto power would be denied to them. It has also been said that former POTUS Bill Clinton has been considering the position of Secretary General of the UN. As cool as that might be, I think a US politician as head of the UN is a dangerous move, and would likely result in the body losing it's legitimacy. If it has any left to lose, that is...

I played tennis for the first time in roughly three and a half years today. It was actually pretty fun. I've been exercising a lot lately, and it feels good so far. The downside is that it's really humid outside and my room isn't air conditioned, so it takes me forever to cool down afterwards. Now I just need to find the courage to go swimming, like I said I would. I don't much like public pools. Swimming in other people's urine just inexplicably puts a damper on my mood. But I'm sure I'm take that jump sooner or later.

I've been watching a Japanese anime the past year named 'Naruto', and now that I'm back on campus, I've been able to download the ones I've been missing. Most of them have been lame, but this past week they had episode 151, which I enjoyed a lot. I'm a big fan of the Hyuuga clan, and have been rooting for Hinata to step up into a bigger role for a long time now. Such a cute girl, that Hinata. As for American television, I'm looking forward to the new seasons of Family Guy, House, Smallville, Lost, and West Wing. New shows I've been keeping tabs on are Jailbreak, Bones, and... one other whose name I forget. It's one of those zillion new shows about people who talk to the dead.

This next part won't make sense to anyone but me:
What's the proper etiquette for this? What's the optimal response? Maybe I should just let it go.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Well, my first day of classes in my senior year of college has all but passed without a hitch. So far my Woody Woo course and classics course seem to be okay, but the jury is still out for my Korean language and Asian art courses.

The Yankees seem to be on a roll. They're probably be a game and a half after behind the Sox today, but they still have 3 games against them later in the season, so whoever wins that series will have the upper hand.

Took on a work-study position here on campus. The hours should be really flexible, and the pay is good, so I think it's an awesome deal. I really have to start worrying about whether or not I'll have enough time for my thesis and my applications for fellowships or grants or jobs. Sucks, huh? Argh, I'll figure something out.

Analysts have been saying that GW Bush's response to Katrina has not been impressive or inspiring. I'm sorry, but Dubya has NEVER been an inspiring speaker. He reacted like a deer in headlights after the WTC attacks, and was only able to ride on Guliani's coat tails after that. I was impressed with his Republican Convention speech a few years ago, but that was the exception. That's not to say I disagree with all of his policies, but give me a break, the guy was NEVER charismatic. Or even remotely intelligent.

John Roberts' first confirmation hearing was dull beyond my wildest dreams. Introduction after introduction makes a man unheathly, unwealthy, and unwise. But there was a remark that I found to be uncommonly entertaining, by- I believe- a Republican committee member who was among hte last to speak, who said, "Everything has been said, but not everyone has said it yet." Had to crack a smile at that. Roberts' charisma and saavy seems to be more than enough to ensure his confirmation, and his clever wit- from what I'm told is quite formidable- should make for an interesting hearing tomorrow for the Question & Answer session. I'll be there.

The New York mayoral race is simply pathetic. Anthony Weiner? Gifford Miller? Fernando Ferrar? Please... It's as if the party is competing to put the MOST ANNOYING PERSON ALIVE up for mayor. Is this the best the Democrats have? Well, I guess it is a suicide candidacy in the first place, since I very much doubt any of the candidates are big league enough to play on the same field as Bloomie. Unfortunately, I've become severely disenfranchised with both major political parties, particularly during their primaries. My goodness, do the people EVER get it right? For the 2000 Republican primaries, the people ACTUALLY chose George W. Bush... This past year we saw the John Kerry national campaign... chosen in the primaries by democrats... because of his ELECTIBILITY?! The close second was Howard Dean?!! Is everyone on crack but me? I'm honestly losing all faith in the Democratic Party, which is a shame because I can't stand Southern Republican congressmen. Well... I can't stand Southern Democratic congressmen either... *cough* Zell Miller *cough*

On a lighter note, Roger Federer is just a ridiculous athlete. The truth is, I didn't even like him in the beginning, but the guy is just too good and I don't even know what it is. I remember watching the guy when he was on the Junior circuit, and I had NO idea that we would become this dominant. I didn't even like him back then, but now... how can you not? Wow... that guy is FUN to watch. He just makes everyone else look silly on the court. He must put some wicked spin on his strokes that is hard to pick up on tv, because I can't think of another explanation. What is unfortunate about tennis nowadays though is the extinction of the serve-and-volleyer. Sad, because it was always an interesting dynamic to the game, and only then could I concieve of Federer possibly being challenged. It's a STUPID decision to slow down the courts to favor the ground-strokers.

Lastly, it looks like the Yankees will be tied for the lead in the Wild Card race at the end of the day. Let's hope things swing our way, but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

My snacks. We gotta keep our energy up, you know. That was a Royal "We."

It's been a long day. A day of countless trials and tribulations, tests of skill and determination; rites of passage into adulthood. Few men survive, but those that do recieve unimaginable honors. Those that fail must suffer eternally within the belly of the mighty Sarlaac, perpetually shifting between life and death ...

My GOD, what I'm saying is important and all... but I just gotta interrupt and say... Craig Ferguson on the Late Late Show is just not a funny man. I changed the channel already but I'm still pissed. I gotta go let off some steam...

It just so happens that my first entry into this blog falls on the same day I move into my dorm for my senior year in college. Now, I won't waste your time with any pitiful effort to appear "deep" or creative by suggesting that these two simultaneous beginnings are anything but coincidental. Perhaps a lesser man would not be able to resist such temptation.

My motivation for this blog is simple: boredom. It is not only possible, but likely that my entries will not be entertaining to anyone else save myself. For this I do not and will not apologize, as any suffering on your part will only increase my pleasure. If you do find, on the odd occasion, anything I say helpful or intriguing, suffice it say that it was not intentional and will surely not happen twice in your lifetime.

My entries will cover a wide array of topics and formats: whatever I want, written however I want, updated whenever I want. Finally, I welcome you to my blog. So on we go.


Sincerely yours,

Hart Ku