Those incorrigible Class of 2006 Princeton University graduates are getting on my last... damn... nerve!!! Princeton, infamous since it was founded in 1746, has recently become a radical breeding ground of academic mavericks, trailblazing giants of knowledge whose towering achievements and undeniable autoritas terrorize the works of past scholarship with total reckless abandonment. I'm so SICK of their roguish, devil-may-care brilliance, as well as their horrid, masterbatory compulsion to break through mere human limitations. Princetonians, indeed, are bloodthirsty intellectual conquistadors, the Princeton education being a weapon of mass destruction that can de-stablize our way of life. Instead of simply getting a good, gentlemanly education like those mental midgets at Yale and Harvard, students who attend the New Jersey-based university do not merely learn facts and gain aristocratic skill sets; they enter into a torrid 4-year long affair of frenzied, earth-shattering sexual congress between genius and potential.
But... as much as it pains me to admit it... the Class of 2006 at Princeton is what you would call a necessary evil. Although they are intimidating, that body of students is a beacon of light in a world of dim-witted Class of 2006 Yale graduates, and perhaps the first AND last line of defense against crippling intellectual atrophy. I confess... I too must recognize Princetonians as the avant-garde of not only the literati, but of humanity itself. But we must remain vigilant when encountering these titillating, academic virtuosos. After all: ipsa scientia potestas est. And unfortunately, power corrupts...
Okay, okay. This isn't actually a rant against Princeton graduates. It's more a poorly-veiled, self-congratulatory oral fart. Needless to say, I am proud that I graduated college earlier this month, and I wanted to write something celebratory, but I feel like I haven't yet been able to truly convince myself that I won't be returning next fall. Graduating college can be a watershed event in a person's life, but so far I am uncertain of how it has affected me. Heck, I've been a graduate for almost a month, and only now am I beginning to realize what it means. So far, I have been confident of my preparedness for bigger and better things... but am I really? What are my regrets about college? Should I even waste time thinking about my regrets? Without hesitation... the answer must be: YES. I was a HISTORY major for Pete's sake, so I should already know not to underestimate the value of retrospection and introspection. Anyway, ironically... my biggest social failure during my college years may be one of the things I must choose not to regret. After years or bordering on insanity, I came out at the end of the tunnel stronger, and, perhaps, even more resilient. But... I continue to sink into denial when it comes to mention of my largest academic failure: my senior thesis. For that alone, I wish I could travel back in time and repeat my senior year. Of course, I didn't really fail my thesis, but how can I say I "passed" when i feel so ashamed at the quality of what is really the symbol of the culmination of my 4-year college education?
Sigh... focusing on stuff like this is so unlike me. It must be some post-graduate stress disorder. Once I start work next month, I won't have time to care about this stuff. It will be a different life, one that will deserve my full attention.
I could be wrong, but what are the chances of that?
Past Rants:
Pedestrians w/ Hands-free Cellphones
